Oh My God Karen, You Can’t Just Ask People Why They’re White

When I started this blog last year, I thought I would mostly write about learning web design and my career in general. I never thought I’d get into anything serious or controversial but it turns out some of those things carry into my work life. I’ve had some moments that have brought my race into my day to day work life. In case you’ve never looked at my About Me section, I am not white. I am Hispanic and Native American.

I don’t go through my days thinking about my ethnic background and don’t define myself by it. It’s a beautiful piece of me that I am proud of but it is not who I am. I am so much more than my ethnicity. We all are. Every once in a while I will be living my life, minding my own business, when someone else decides to remind me of my color. One such incident happened a couple years ago. I was attending a networking lunch where I was chatting with a man I’d never met, when he felt entitled to ask how long I’ve been in this country. I was completely stunned. I’ve been asked about my ethnicity before but never my citizenship. I couldn’t understand why he would do that.

At that point in the conversation he knew a few things about me: I am originally from California, my father is retired military, and I graduated from Texas Christian University. What, in those 3 facts, made him think I’m not a natural born citizen? There’s nothing. Even if there was, how is that appropriate or any of his business? The only thing he used to make that assumption was the color of my skin. I felt completely reduced to something I have no control over.

Once my shock wore off, I was able to respond. I replied, “Well I’m Native American, so always. What ship did your ancestors sail in on?” He seemed stunned and stuttered something unintelligible then tried to change the subject. Maybe I should’ve handled it differently? I don’t know. It felt good at the time. Afterward I wondered, how do people respond who were not born in this country? How would an immigrant feel? I was a regular at that group while that guy was a stranger and I couldn’t help but suddenly feeling different, unwelcome. No one else in that group had ever said or done anything like that but that one experience tainted my view a bit. I continued to go to the group, thankfully I never saw that man again.

Why Are You White

As time went by, I put that situation out of my mind. It came rushing back when I had an interesting experience at a networking event this month. Prior to lunch beginning everyone was talking, catching up on summer fun. One mentioned plans for a family trip to Mexico. He and another woman gushed about how much they love vacationing there. The woman repeatedly turned to look directly at me to say how much they love Mexico. It felt a bit odd that she’d specifically look at me to say that. I tried not to read too much into it but my mind keeps coming back to it.

The man continued saying how much he loves Mexico, even more so than other places he’s been such as Turks and Caico’s and Jamaica.  For him, the differentiator was the people. It wasn’t that he felt Mexicans were just so friendly or have a vibrant culture. It was their gratitude he liked. He says the Jamaican people are very resentful. When I asked how, he said “Jamaican’s are very poor and resentful of rich people coming to their country,” while the Mexicans were “just so grateful to have us there spending money.” It took everything I had not to scream. Did he realize how awful that sounds? He’s basically saying he wishes these poor people would just be happy the rich deign to vacation in their country and forget about the lack of opportunities they have to improve their lives. He wants to be greeted by joyful, gracious poverty stricken people. I wonder how he feels when they want to come here for a better life? It was the most bizarre conversation I’ve had in a while.

Just when I thought I was done with conversations that shouldn’t happen in professional settings, I found myself at it again. This morning some people I know through work began talking about guns. It started off fairly innocently, with one sharing they have their Concealed Handgun License and carry every day, everywhere. Somehow the conversation took a turn to the killing of unarmed black people by police and civilians. There were some very different feelings about guns in general amongst the group and Stand Your Ground laws even worked their way into the conversation.

I tried to stay out of it as much as possible. I don’t personally like guns although many in my family have their CHL. I don’t take issue with others having guns (with some exceptions) but don’t personally have any desire to have or shoot one. They’re ugly, noisy, and heavy. I prefer my iPad. To each their own. I was particularly disappointed in one person. I wasn’t upset because they love their guns, but rather, it was their closed mindedness. They couldn’t accept that a police officer could ever be in the wrong. They repeatedly said, “those cellphone videos only tell part of the story. The truth is on the body cams because that shows everything that led up to it.” They didn’t acknowledge that those body cams sometimes do support the cellphone footage or aren’t even on during the incident. At one point, someone got them to agree most cops are good but there are bad apples in every profession. Ultimately, they would return to sharing stories of people who falsely accused police of excessive force.

When the context of race in those situations arose, that person used terms like “race baiters” or “playing the race card.” I can’t help but cringe every time I hear those words. I can speak only for myself but to me, those words are only used by racist people. Although some of those people ardently deny they are racist, I’ve never heard a non-racist person utter them. Ultimately, the conversation didn’t get anywhere. No one’s opinion changed on the topic although perhaps, some changed their opinions of each other.

So why am I sharing all of this? Honestly, I don’t know. I have come across various conversations in person or on Facebook about race in this country, more so since the election. Not too long ago I saw a professional acquaintance post online that racism doesn’t exist anymore. I commented sharing the story about being asked about my citizenship. He said he was surprised and didn’t know. But has he ever asked? People of color have these experiences every day and we often share them amongst ourselves. Should we share more broadly? Would that help more people understand the reality or would we be accused of being “race baiters” or of “playing the race card?”

I’ve never understood the”playing the race card” accusation. Are we playing a game I don’t know about? Do I somehow win by reminding everyone people of color have different life experiences? Like the “woman card,” it’s not exactly an ace in the hole. A while back I saw a video of a speaker asking her audience to raise their hands if they would change places with a black person. No one did. She asked again saying, maybe they misunderstood. Black people are treated exactly the same as whites, right? Again, no one raised their hand. This was her way of illustrating that no matter how far we have come and how much we’d like to think there isn’t inequality, at the end of the day, if given the opportunity to be black instead, they’d rather stay white because deep down they know they’re better off.

I wish I could wrap this up in a pretty bow with all the answers but I can’t. I don’t know if anyone can. What I do know is, we need to do better. Listen to hear, not to respond. When someone tells a story like some I shared, don’t dismiss them because it’s never happened to you or you haven’t seen it. If you don’t understand, ask questions. Try.

Now what the young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover.

Last week I saw an Instagram post from another blogger I really like and respect that rubbed me the wrong way. It was a picture of her with a caption that told women to not “be a bitch.” She goes on to say that women are becoming stronger and we need humble ourselves. And I don’t even know where to start with how I feel about this…

First of all, why call other women bitches?? Is that necessary? Why use a sexist, demeaning word especially in such a vague way? And seriously, women need to be more humble?? Last time I checked, women are plenty humble. In fact, there are countless articles about how women struggle with confidence and apologize far too much. Why, when you extoll yourself as someone who is out to uplift others, would you put out such a negative message? It made no sense to me.

When I first saw the post, I made a point not to comment on it. I closed IG and went about my day but I couldn’t quite shake my annoyance. After taking some time to let it settle, I decided to send a DM to the poster. I figured, she probably posted it while mad about someone in particular and didn’t intend it to be taken the way I did. I thought I’d share my feelings and she’d totally get it. Wrong. I’m not going to copy the whole DM here but I’ll summarize. So basically I told her the post rubbed me the wrong way and felt her use of the word was derogatory. I continued by saying it’s something men say to women to put us down. It’s unkind and I was surprised to see it coming from her. I tried to keep my message short and sweet. I wasn’t interested in attacking her but rather wanted to share my point of view.

She responded very quickly. Again, I won’t copy or screenshot the message. She replied that she felt men can be bitches as well and that in her experience she’s noticed a lot of women being bitches to each other. She went on to say that women use the word bitch more than men (as if that makes it okay) then abruptly ended it by wishing me a good weekend and thanking me for sharing my thoughts. This was not the response I anticipated.

Her reply felt very dismissive. It was like she didn’t even bother to see my perspective. She was stuck in her mindset that women are bitches and women label each other as much. That was perfectly okay with her. Why not strive for something better? How about encourage women to be kinder to each other? How about don’t stoop to someone else’s level? What happened to the high road? And when did a blogger whose main focus is on self improvement and being better, stop trying to hear constructive criticism about herself? In fact, in the IG post immediately before this one, she talks about how jokes about race, gender, and religion aren’t appropriate and even uses #bebetter and #checkyourself. Is she checking herself? It doesn’t sound like it.

sluts and whores

Maybe I’m totally overreacting. Maybe I just expected too much because I thought highly of this person. Whatever the case is in this particular situation, I think we all can do a better job at walking our talk. If you’re out there trying to be a beacon of positivity and holding yourself out a someone who is lifting others up, your words should match. I don’t pretend to be perfect but I do try to choose my words wisely. I have posted things on social media that I deleted not long after because it just didn’t feel right. It felt good to get those thoughts out but leaving them out there wasn’t the right thing to do. We all make mistakes. Sometimes we get called out on them, why not try to be receptive? If you’re caught off guard and defensive about it in the moment, take time later to reconsider it.

I think we could all try to be better in general. And just because someone else says or does something, doesn’t mean it’s right and doesn’t mean we should do it too. Was this whole post much-a-do about nothing? I don’t know. Maybe. I just wish everyone, especially women, could be kinder to each other. Women have it tough. We face sexual harassment and discrimination at work. We still have unbalanced responsibilities at home and we have a huge amount of pressure to “have it all.” Maybe we all wouldn’t be so bitchy to each other if we stopped calling each other bitches?

Maybe we could be each other’s soulmates.

Happy Wednesday Everybody!

For today’s post, I am going to take a break from my usual Mean Girls theme to honor the 20th Anniversary of Sex and The City!! I can’t believe the first episode aired on June 6, 1998! I was only 13 years old at the time. My family didn’t have HBO so I learned about the show from tv and magazines. After the first couple seasons, I got curious. Wanting to see what the fuss was about I did something unthinkable today…. I rented the DVD’s at BLOCKBUSTER!!

Poor Blockbuster…. I enjoyed many movies and TV series thanks to that relic. Now I rely on Hulu and Netflix like everyone else. It’s amazing how things have changed since the show aired. Remember the episode where Carrie doesn’t want to get email but finally does so she can reach out to Aidan?? It’s pretty surprising considering she was a writer regularly shown on her laptop in the series. If the show was produced today, would she still have a newspaper column or would she be a blogger? Even newspaper are going the way of the dinosaur these days. Eventually she ends up with a cellphone but not a smart phone. At her wedding she can’t figure out how to use Samantha’s iPhone to call Big. Funny how Carrie was so ahead of the curve with fashion but proudly behind it with technology.

What I remember most about the show was how it focused on the friendship of these four very different women. The men they dated came and went, but their friendship was the lasting bond. We saw them grow and shift in their careers, negotiate pre-nups and divorces, become mothers and caretakers to elderly parents, and even become dog moms. It really was the fullest, most varied picture of what a woman’s life could be at that point. I loved when Charlotte said, “Maybe we could be each other’s soul mates. And then we could let men be just these great nice guys to have fun with.” Two lines spoke volumes.

Charlotte Soulmates

It may sound silly to say a TV show has impacted my life but this one has. As a single woman in my early 30’s I often get asked, “Don’t you want to get married?” Or, “What about kids?” Sometimes those questions get to me a little and I wonder, am I behind? Should I be making an effort to find a relationship and start a family? Who is going to take care of me when I’m old? But then I remember, Charlotte married both of her husbands in her 30’s, Miranda was also in her 30’s when she got pregnant out of wedlock and didn’t marry Steve until years later. Carrie finally married Big in her 40’s. And Samantha loved Smith, but loved herself more. There’s no one way to be happy and there’s no one way to build a life. I love being on my own. I don’t feel anything is missing in my life. As for who is going to take care of me when I’m old, my friends will. Or I’ll hire someone since surely my focus on work will pay off in the end. Like Carrie said, “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

I hope you all get a chance to take a stroll down memory lane with some Sex and The City reruns today. Most of all, I hope you have great friends to support you as you build a life that is yours. I know I do.

You might think you like someone, but you could be wrong.

It’s the beginning of a brand new month and Mark Zuckerberg has made some interesting new announcements in his keynote at the Facebook F8 Developers Conference. One announcement included a new privacy control called “Clear History.” This will be similar to how you can clear your history and cookies in your web browser. Once they roll this out you’ll be able to see information about the apps and websites you’ve used, and be able to clear this information from your account. You’ll even be able to turn off having this information stored with your account.

It’s a very interesting and smart option to add but I am curious to see how it will play out with users. When you clear cookies in your browser, it can diminish parts of your experience. You may have to sign back in to sites and reconfigure some things. The same will happen with Facebook. Your Facebook won’t be as good until it relearns your preferences. With added inconveniences and a lessened experience, some may decide they don’t like the feature after all and not use it. We shall see.

What was most interesting was learning that Facebook will be adding a dating feature within the main app. You will be able to opt in or out of the dating option. They will match you with people you are not friends with but have common likes, groups, and event interests. There will be a chat function that is separate from Messenger in which you can communicate with matches. They will also allow you to keep your participation in the dating feature private from your Facebook friends.

Adding dating makes total sense and I’m surprised they haven’t done this sooner. Facebook has an enormous user base (usually a huge struggle for other dating apps) and a plethora of data on said users. According to Zuckerberg, the focus will be on building long-term relationships, not just hookups. What will be particularly interesting to see is how Facebook compares to other dating apps in terms of matchmaking success. They say our friends know us better than anyone else, but what friend nows us better than Facebook? One may even venture that Facebook knows us better than we know ourselves.

gretchen- like someone

Only time will tell how good of a matchmaker Facebook turns out to be. All the extra data they have that other dating apps don’t could be a huge help. It also could be a hinderance if they can’t figure out what data is relevant and what is not. There are very interesting things ahead with Facebook. I can’t wait to see how it turns out!

On another note, some may read this and wonder why I don’t seem concerned about the recent data scandal. First of all, the data breaches are a bigger reflection on how outsiders have abused Facebook as opposed to how the company itself has. That’s not to say Facebook is innocent and hasn’t done anything wrong. They certainly weren’t as diligent as they should have been. Security should have been a greater concern. While I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg never expected Facebook to become the largest social network when he started in his dorm room, it’s become a behemoth with data on billions of users. This needs to be taken seriously and safeguarded. Second, you shouldn’t for one second be shocked by the amount of data Facebook has on us. We freely give them access to all kinds of personal details.

If you love the On This Day feature, you can thank Facebook for storing your data. It’s because of you sharing that information and Facebook holding on to it, that they are able to take you on a touching stroll down memory lane every day. Or maybe you love those fun Facebook quizzes that tell you what kind of food your are or which superhero you would be. Ever notice the quizzes don’t actually ask you questions? When you click on one of those quizzes, those apps ask permission to access your Facebook account. They then use the information you freely share on Facebook to come up with your incredibly accurate result.

Now some of you may be thinking, “I rarely post on Facebook and never do those stupid quizzes.” Well, how many of you use Facebook to log into other sites? Don’t say no too fast, think about it. Every time I log on to Hulu to watch The Handmaid’s Tale (btw season 2 is off to a stunning start!), I use Facebook to log in. Same with CBS All Access (can’t miss The Good Fight). You can also log into apps like MyFitnessPal, MapMyRun, MindBody, and a host of others, using Facebook. Some you may not log into with Facebook but can be connected to your account. For example, FitBit lets you connect your Facebook account to help you find friends on the app.

My point is, we can point the finger at Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook all day long but at the end of the day, we freely provided this information to them. Even if you have a private profile so exes and randoms can’t see what you’re up to, Facebook still can. You are on their platform. We are all complicit in this but that doesn’t mean we should throw our hands up and accept it. We can decide to limit what we share and which apps have access to our Facebook accounts. We can take ownership of our online behavior and educate ourselves if this is new to us. Meanwhile, Facebook can step up and put in greater protections to keep the platform we love from getting abused.

Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter.

This week has been super busy and it’s only Wednesday! Yesterday I went to a networking lunch and had quite an experience. I ran into a lot of people I know and like and some I really don’t care for. I also met some new people which is always nice. Except when it’s not.

My table included, among others, 2 women who had nothing nice to say about anything. One in particular criticized the flyer on the table because it was “too busy.” She’s not wrong, but who cares? Why focus on that? She then proceeded to make comments under her breathe and ugly faces when a man joined us. She told the other woman she needed back up handling this guy because he is so rude and awful. The other woman agreed that he’s terrible and she’d “keep him in his place.” All of this they said openly to a table full of people they didn’t know. The man they were speaking of couldn’t hear because he was talking to someone at the table behind us.

Eventually, he switched to the other table to continue his conversation. Once he moved the two women loudly exhaled, voicing their relief that this dreadful man wouldn’t be sitting with us after all. Little did they know, this man is a good friend of mine. Yes, he is loud. Yes, he is quite blunt. He’s kind of a lot to take and he knows it. He’s also a really great person. He goes out of his way to help people even when they can’t do anything in return. He’s funny. He’s honest and he doesn’t spread peoples secrets all over town.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard people say something about him. I usually don’t say anything because it’s typically very lighthearted. Like I said, he’s a lot. This time felt different. There was nothing joking or goodnatured there. They were rude and nasty and it really pissed me off. I couldn’t hold it in. I asked if they’d ever said any of this to his face or did they just stick to talking about him behind his back. Both said it’s nothing they wouldn’t say to his face. When pressed if they actually had done so, they insisted they had. I later found out that was not the case. In fact, in recent months, both had reached out to him for help with their businesses. He obliged.

What I didn’t say to them, because I didn’t want to start a lecture, is that by sitting there trashing him, all they did was make themselves look bad. After that one experience with them I have no interest in getting to know them better or working with them in any way. I was not the only one to feel that way. If they’d paid more attention to the people who were sitting at their table they would’ve seen the discomfort on their faces. In fact, a couple even made comments about how awful they were once they were gone.

I don’t pretend to be perfect. There are people I really don’t like. Sometimes I gossip. I have a biting wit. Let’s be real, I have a Mean Girls themed blog. This isn’t preschool. It’s the real world. We are not all going to be friends and that’s okay. But spending your energy trying to pull others down only hurts you. Now these two have a group of people who don’t want anything to do with them. And the guy they talked about? Of course I told him! Now if they ask him for help, he’s going to turn them down.

That’s karma. Or to put it a deeper way, your actions release positive or negative energy into the universe. Energy is not created or destroyed, just transferred. So focus on trying to give off positive energy when you think and speak. Good things will follow and people won’t be talking about you behind your back. Or at least fewer won’t.

Cady Mathletes

You Could Try Sears

The last few days have been rough. I wasn’t feeling good Monday so worked from home. It is beyond nice to have that option. It was making out to be a very chill morning when my laptop decided it didn’t want to work! After restarting and powering off/on I broke down and called Apple Support. I couldn’t even log into my computer to chat with support.

Usually, I have a great experience with Apple Support but this person was different. She talked to me like I was the dumbest person alive. At one point she had me hold down 3 keys at once to restart. After doing it repeatedly without anything happening she told me to do it again but this time say each key aloud as I pressed it so she could be sure I was hitting them right!! WTHeck is that about?! So insulting.

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After over 30 minutes on the phone with her and being placed on hold multiple times, she decided she couldn’t help me anymore because of my “connectivity issues” (my internet was working just fine thank you very much!). She scheduled me the soonest available appointment with the Genius Bar. I was annoyed to have to go into the Apple Store to get things fixed but relieved to not have to deal with her anymore.

Anyway, I went to the Genius Bar today and even they couldn’t fix it. We wound up having to wipe the whole thing and start fresh. Now I’m up and running but getting everything set how I like it all over again! Playing around on it at home, I think I might actually have some connectivity issues after all but I’m glad that wasn’t the fix. I’d hate for the rude lady on the phone to have been right. Yes, that’s right, I don’t want a stranger I’ll never speak to again to have the satisfaction of being right. It’s very adult of me, I know.

Regardless, it’s nice to have it working. I had some time this afternoon to do a little CSS so that was nice. I was worried I wouldn’t remember anything since it has been a while but thankfully hadn’t forgotten much. Who knew web design was just like riding a bike?! I definitely want to spend more time practicing though. I’ve felt more motivated than ever to learn more so I can start working on some projects.

Stop Trying To Make Fetch Happen!

Starting a new job has been crazy! Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome. I love my new job and am excited about what I’m doing. Any change in one aspect of our lives can create ripples throughout and I have been feeling it. One change has been my exercise routine. I LOVE working out! I fall off routines like everyone but I never stay inactive for more than a few weeks. When I started my job, I met the co-owner of my local The Bar Method at a networking event. I’ve done barre workouts in the past and was OBSESSED!!

I was really excited to have a studio near my office so signed up. Initially, I struggled getting into a routine because I got sick. Thankfully, it wasn’t the flu. When I FINALLY felt better I decided to become a morning exerciser despite the fact that I have NEVER been a morning person. I had the best of intentions. I’ve read a ton of articles about how the most successful people are early morning exercisers and liked that it would free up my evenings. So I started scheduling 7am workouts at The Bar Method and proceeded to cancel at the last minute regularly. Sometimes I cancelled because I didn’t sleep well the night before. Other times I slept so well I wanted to stay in bed longer. Sometimes I would reschedule for later in the day but more often than not I didn’t and felt badly about it.

Yesterday, it hit me. Why am I doing this? Why am I trying to force something that’s just not working? I do great at working out in the evening. Why fight that? I decided to stop trying to make fetch happen!

Stop trying to make fetch happen

Last night, I went to class after work and am doing the same tonight. I set up my Club Bar membership and scheduled 3 evening workouts for next week. I already feel less stressed and less pressure. I am super excited to get back into a routine that works for ME even if it’s not what works for Sheryl Sandberg, Oprah, and Anna Wintour. Stay tuned for how I do with my exercise routine AND for updates on my progress with coding! I’ll be getting more into that now that I have…. a BRAND NEW MacBook Pro!!!! So much fun and exciting change right now!

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Raise Your Hand If You’ve Ever Felt Personally Victimized By Regina George

A couple weeks ago I went to a charity dinner. It raised money for an awesome nonprofit that supports children in foster care. It was a beautiful evening full of truly touching stories. Part of the evening included a fashion show featuring sorority girls from my alma mater as models. They gave up an evening of their time to put themselves out there (while walking in a fashion show sounds exciting, I’m sure it’s also terrifying). Each young lady was introduced with her name, major field of study, and post graduation career goal. While I was never in a sorority, I was very proud these girls came from my school and had such impressive ambitions. Some wanted to go into civil service, the law, education, and even fashion design.

As I was enjoying the evening I couldn’t help but overhear some women, young and not so young, giggling. Always interested in a good joke or a bit of gossip, I perked up my ears. Turns out this group was mocking the models. If it wasn’t for the outfit they had on (not their choice btw) it was for their major or goals. First of all, I could not understand why, at a charity event for children, some chose to put down those who are doing something good. It was so ugly. Second, as I mentioned earlier, these are fellow TCU girls. Don’t come for the Frog Fam in my presence.

raise your hand

So here I was, at a charity event, disgusted at the bad behavior of some around me. I didn’t know what to do. Should I call them out on it? Give them dirty looks? Start whispering nasty things about them to my friends? Tweet about it? Ignore them? None of those options seemed quite right. Thinking about why they would behave that way, I realized they are probably just jealous and insecure. They see someone who is younger (or your age), beautiful, intelligent, and on a great life path and the green monster rears its ugly head. Whether we like to admit it, we’ve all been on both sides of the equation. Either way, it sucks.

raised hands

In that moment, I decided the best course of action was to be try to be a good example. Instead of stooping to their level or pretending I couldn’t hear them, I chose the high road. I smiled and clapped enthusiastically for every girl as she crossed the stage, even when I didn’t care for the outfit, and complimented them to the table. When one sneered, “OMG can you believe she’s studying fashion merchandising? What are her classes about, polkadots?!” I said, “I know, isn’t that amazing?! I bet she’s having so much fun! Maybe she’ll be a buyer at Neiman’s one day!” I returned virtually every catty comment or eye roll with something positive. I’m sure I was super annoying and a total buzz kill but I didn’t care. Eventually, much to my relief, they got a clue.

There are too many situations where women have to deal with negativity. I would rather women lift each other up. No one is ever going to be perfect. We all slip and make snide comments about people we don’t like very much, but at least try. Whether we admit it or not, we are all role models. We all have influence. We all can make a difference. If we all tried to be just a little more kind, a little more empathetic, and little less negative, our world could be a much better place.

we go high

You can go shave your back now…

This is a rare double post week ya’ll but I have something to say! So as you know I took a new job this year working in Business Development. I regularly get calls and emails, even drop ins, from people of various industries selling their services. They always want to meet with our owner as well but I am the gatekeeper.

Yesterday, I got an email from a guy who didn’t even bother to address it with my name but rather chose a generic salutation. That’s not the problem. I’m sure he wanted to Copy and Paste. The problem is the greeting he chose to begin with. Rather than ‘To Whom This May Concern’ or a simple ‘Good Morning,’ this guy chose ‘Dear Sir.’ Really dude? Do you still think only men are in the workforce or do you just think only men are decision makers?? Either way, you’re dead wrong. My boss by the way, is a woman. In fact, we are an all female firm.

This irritated me but I felt so much better after the uplifting women’s networking lunch I went to that afternoon (and blogged about). A guy friend asked me that morning what I had planned and I mentioned this luncheon. Later, he asked how my day went. I told him how much I LOVED the speaker, to which he responded, ‘what did he talk about?” He knew this was a women’s lunch, why assume the speaker was a woman?! It makes zero sense. I was so disappointed in him, he’s a young guy, he should know better. Aren’t millennial men supposed to be more evolved? I guess not…

Anyway, I just find it super frustrating to still see this kind of thing. Obviously, it’s not a HUGE deal. It’s not sexual harassment or assault but it’s sexist and annoying and I needed to rant about it so there you go. Have you ever had something like that happen to you? How do you handle it?

bye jason

She’s the queen bee. The star.

Today I went to the Diamond League monthly luncheon in Southlake. The Diamond League is a professional women’s networking group that just started last year and I’m OBSESSED with it. It is such a fun group of awesome ladies who support each other in business. Every month there is a different speaker and this month was Donna Arp Weitzman. She is an author, speaker, dating expert, and podcast host. She is also hysterically funny and incredibly smart. So basically, she is #goals.

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She talked about relationships, her impressive career, and marketing/branding. It was exciting to learn from a woman who has lived so many lives. She is a former Mayor of Colleyville and owned 3 real estate firms before she even started writing books. She also managed to have a family along the way. So often you hear “you can’t have it all.” But this is someone who has somehow made it work. It’s not perfect of course, she divorced and remarried, but nothing is.

She also got me really excited again about coding. Seeing someone who started over so often, and late in life, made me realize, I have plenty of time. All of my dreams about starting my own business are totally reasonable and not at all unrealistic, because she did it. Repeatedly. I don’t think we always realize how important it is to see other people do what we want to do. And most importantly, to see other WOMEN do it. Representation is so important. If you don’t see it, how can picture yourself doing it?

I’m thankful for all the #BossBabe ladies who came before me for showing us all it can be done. So basically, I guess this blog is just a big #WCW to Donna and all the other female leaders out there. In a time where we are hearing about so many women getting taken advantage and sharing their #MeToo stories, it’s important to remember we are also out there kicking butt and taking names.

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